new blog

my personal blog http://kemejat.blogspot.com/

the final entry

this blog has served its last post. It's been a very beautiful journey. I'll shall be blogging on my personal blog soon. Will update really soon.

closure

i got my answers......

30 - THE END

HAPPILY EVER AFTER? HAPPILY NEVER AFTER?

i do not know............

29 - My feelings

My affections do not matter anymore. I think she had enough of me. I become a sore sight. Everything that I do, do not command the same response and attention anymore. It’s like sticking a knife to your heart and pouring salt at the wound at the same time. I have done what I could.
I still loved her the way I used to. I still long for the warmth of her body when I wrapped my arms around her. To look at her while she’s asleep and kissing her on her forehead. To look her in the eyes and say I LOVE YOU BE!...I would do anything for her. But she’s slowly drifting away from me.
No matter what, I will love her and care for her. All that I want…is for her to be happy always. I do not know what’s going to happen in the future but I just want her to smile again. A smile that comes from the heart. Just like the one I saw when I held her hands for the first time.

Being together is just not about the happy times. It's the hardship you go thru together and how much you cherished each other. How you share each other problems....and take on the storm together!! When you loses that prespective. that's it...it's done! Maybe it's time to move on...

I may not be the one to complete her again………..

28 - Up North

She got a job in Penang. Will be moving up there soon, I wished she would have gotten a job in KL instead but who am I to say no? It’s a high paying job. She’s excited and raring to go. It’s good to see her all passionate once again. TO be happy again.

27 - Maybe not

Somehow things have changed. I think we have met at the wrong time. I was going thru the worse moment of my life. Disappointment and frustration got better of her. She lost it with me. We vowed to make life better again but damage has been done. She doesn’t felt the same anymore and who can blame her? With a man who can’t even stand on his two feet. She has every right to do so. I can’t expect you to go thru shite with me. I’m sorry baby! Sorry I can’t live up to your expectations.

26 - Hi! My name is Ong, would you like to buy a property from me?

Found myself a job at a Real Estate Company recently. My passion came back and I’m feeling like a champion again. This time, I really need to make it work. There are debts to be cleared and tones of problems that need un-doing. I’m gonna make my mark in this field. I’m determined and more determined to give her a better life.

25 - The break

We were both jobless. I went back into my depression mode. I was lost all over again! I was stupid again! I lost everything! She lost confidence in me. I think I gave up on myself too. I was having suicidal thoughts constantly. I once held a knife to my wrist as I broke down and cried. I didn’t have the courage to do it. I wailed and cried like a little girl.

i cried so loud..i think the neighbour heard me

24 - False hope

I joined Dr nano in March 09. Finally! A job!! It started very well with me being the most marketing savvy person in the company. I enjoyed working there. I felt alive again. To exercise my brain and squeezing my creative juices. All of a sudden, things started to change. The lady boss have no idea what she’s doing. She wouldn’t listen and I’m doing things that are way out of my jurisdiction. Working needlessly for 18 hours. Wasting time on stupid things and it actually made me stupid too. I decided to quit again. The biggest mistake I made this year.

23 - Good morning, Sausage Mc’Muffin set please

She found a job with Bluunis. I’m still jobless at that time so I sent her to work every day. Stopping by Mc’D to get ourselves some breakfast at times. Life was tough but these little things bring a smile to my face every now and then.
I continued to be jobless. I felt useless and depressed all the time.

22 - it went downhill

Leaving mobile wallet left a scar on me. I lost my confidence and charisma. I was a lost fool. I do not know what to do. I couldn’t secure a job and I’m getting poorer by day. It was then; she started to have doubts in me. I can’t blame her as I was a total mess. A TOTAL MESS! She began to shy away from me. It was worse during Chinese New Year.
She wanted a man who can provide and protect her. Things wouldn’t have happened if I could secure a job and have a consistent income.
I realized I got lazy and too comfortable. My confidence and intellectual level is deteriorating really fast. I was like ass. By then, the market was bad and I was having trouble securing a job.

21 - Auld Lang Syne

Be decided to throw a party at her place for new year eve. I was abit nervous as her relatives will be there. I volunteered to cook up some food to impress her family. Keke. Went there early and helped set up the barbeque pit and stuff. I was nervous and jumpy the whole night. Luckily her whole family members are very friendly and warm. Her friends came and had a good time except for the asshole that came and picked up a fight with us. After everyone left, we cleaned up the place and barbequed the remaining food. Little Joe Joe and Fai Fai came and join us for the after party too and they ate a lot of ham too! Ahhaha.
My New Year resolution was to find a good job and earn more money to provide for her. To lead a better life with her. She was in my every plan.

20 - a very merry christmas

We went to joey’s place for Christmas and had a great time there. We exchanged gifts and got myself an ash tray and she had a towel in exchange for her deck of cards. The next day we went to Jeremy’s place. Good food and great company. Had a lot of fun there too. The first time my Be formally introduced to Joanna, Phei and gang.

19 - 1201

I arranged for dinner at Café Café. Ordered the wrong dish for her and she liked my duck confit better. Ordered a caraf of red wine too. On her actual day, we went up to Genting for a road trip. Couldn’t get a room there and we called up bukit tinggi to check if they have any vacant room there. Fortunately, they still have rooms there. However on the way there, we passed by Awana and decided to try our luck there. We got ourselves a room at the tower hotel. We checked in and the view at the balcony was breath taking. After we settled down, we took a stroll around Awana and took pictures. Later that night, we cooked spaghetti and luncheon meat in the hotel. Yes, in the hotel…hahaha!
I got her nothing for present. I quitted my job and was really tight on cash. I promised to make it up to her when I have a job and more money. I felt sorry and bad for not being able to plan a better celebration for her. Not even 10% of her effort spent on my birthday. I’m sorry Be!
After we got down from Genting the next day. We went to Plaza Da Mas and had steamboat for dinner. It was awesome!!

18 - my birthday

She took me to Dubrovnik at Solaris for dinner. She had everything planned out and arranged a red wine dinner course. I try to look composed but deep inside, I was touched by her effort and every dinner course was scrumptious and well matched. On top of that, she bought me a green tea cake. Normally I wouldn’t touch a green tea flavoured cake but that night, every spoonful brings comfort to me. Every mouthful tasted so sweet. She bought me a jacket from TOPSHOP and a self made photo frame with pictures from our penang trip. One of my most memorable birthday celebration. Her being there was the best ever gift a person can wish for.

17 - the little note

After a tiring day at work, I picked her up from the seminar. Secretly I bought some beers and left it in the fridge with a little note. When we reached the hotel, we saw a little donut shop right next to the hotel. She wanted to buy some but she was too tired and just wanted to go back to the room. As we entered the lift, I told her I left something in the car and asked her to go back to the room first. I make my way to the donut shop and bought two glacier donut with sugar icing on top. I knocked on the door and hid the donut behind me. She opened the door and I walked right in and passed the donut to her. She was so surprised and happy. After that I told her to get some drinks from the fridge. She opened it and saw the little note and the beers. She just went sitted on the floor. She was tearing up. I went over and hugged her. We hugged for quite some time. I felt happiness…I vowed to love her and take care of her till my last breathe.

16 - Sunshine, good food and sea breeze

This time, she got assigned to Penang for a seminar. She asked me if I could accompany her. I said yes and we went on our first trip as a couple. We reached there in the late evening. After searching high and low we finally found our way to autocity and waited for her penang’s business associate and she brought us to the hotel. We ditched the business associate and went Jalan Burma for dinner. We had char kuey teow, popiah, chicken wings and a bottle of beer. After that we for a walk at Gurney drive and found ourselves the greatest tao fu fa on earth.

15 - LCCT

I actually took a day off to pick her up from LCCT. I waited for good whole 40 minutes and there she was. My bebe walking out in her black top and black skinny. I did not know how to react. She wheeled the cart towards me and I went up to her. We hugged!! Oh boy we hugged! I missed her so soo sooo much! It feels so good to hold her in my arms again. To smell her perfume and to kiss her soft cheeks.

14 - an email a day while she's away

She got assigned to Vietnam for a business trip. I sent her to KLIA. That morning, seeing her walking towards the gate, I felt sad and lonely. I’m so in love with her. Never have I been this in love before. We vowed to write each other an email a day while she’s away. I still have it in my laptop. Reading It again reminds me why I loved her that much. Her being away was the hardest thing at that time. I missed so much! Like really CAN DIE!!

13 - The kiss

We met up with Joey at Werner’s and had red wine. After that we went for supper in Ngau Kee, It was raining as we left. We reached her place and I escorted her to her door with an umbrella. As I was leaving. She pulled me back and gave me a kiss. I was on cloud nine. Her very first kiss. I still remembers it vividly. I think I flew up a few inches off the ground! It was heaven.

12 - Sweaty palms

After dinner, we went to the washroom then we decided to walk about the mall. Should I hold her hands? Should I not? I was nervous, my palms were all sweaty. I decided, fuck it! I’m holding her hands after this. I slowly led her to the escalator and casually slipped my hands towards hers. She responded in quite a surprised manner. I held on and I told myself, I’m not letting go of it like forever. Haha. What a silly thought! We walked around the mall for a while and it was the sweetest moment I had in years.

11 - 0930

We decided to officially date on 30th September 20008 as a couple. I picked her up and went to Star Hill Jake’s for a dinner at the suggestion of my best bud. She was wearing a white top with blue jeans. The gold hair band on her hair somehow enhanced her features. There she was my little angel, MY GIRLFRIEND, MY LOVE, MY EVERYTHING.
I have to add, somehow the little car handbag doesn’t matched. A lil Childish! Haha. She would kill me there and then if she finds out.
She was perfect. She’s my girl

10 - little panda

A little panda shaped soft toy did the trick of winning her heart. There was a fair in mid valley and she wanted the little toy. By then we were more than friends but we were not together. It was really hard getting one of those. She was determined to get one at my expense. After a few rounds of PR work with the organizer. I got myself one of it. I hid in my car and told her I failed to get one. On the very same night, we went out for a movie. I presented little panda to her. She was ecstatic but she said she actually knew that I have it. I do not really care as her reaction was etched in my memory forever. Her innocent little smile melted my heart.

09 - Slowly but surely

Little by little, I edged in closer to her heart. She was still recovering from her last relationship. I’m more determined to prove to her that I’m better man. Gradually she begun to loosened up and let her heart roam freely.

08 - I actually went after a girl

In all of my previous relationship, I’ve never gone after a girl. With her, I felt the urge to make her mine. To shower her with tender, love and care. She was very reluctant. Given this scenario back then, I would give up but with her. I’m determined.

07 - There she was

She started her new job and we were constantly in touch with text messages. I remember the day I went to PWTC to look for her. I bought her Aunty Anne’s. She was so excited to see me. She looked fantastic in the trench coat uniform. Seeing her, all my troubles seem so far away. She brought calm to my troubled mind. I think I just fell in love again.

06 - She cheated on me!!

After a while I found my other half was cheating on me. I was heartbroken. Somehow I knew it was coming but the pain still unbearable. An end to a 7 years love affair. I was devastated. Hate myself for being such a fool. Twice a fool as it happened twice.

05 - Empty space

After she left. Somehow the office seems gloomy. Looking at her empty desk, I felt lonely. I missed her. Am I in love?

04 - The last day

We went for a karaoke outing. She was sitted next to me the entire night. We took pictures and sang song together. I didn’t want the night to end as I knew I won’t be seeing her that often after that.

03 - My colleague no more

One fine morning, she told me she wanted to leave. I was pretty let down by her decision. Somehow I felt sad, Was it love? Why am I feeling sad?

02 - Getting to know her

After a while, I found her to be quite a looker with her flawless skin. She was very friendly too. There’s something about this girl that makes you feel so relaxed and comfortable. She added me on facebook and msn, we started having little chat conversation in the office. Bemoaning the lack of fun in the office, she would always turn to me for a little laughter and music. We shared earphones and exchanges little notes. The see saw and the little swing note was the most memorable one. I secretly have a crush on her. It’s unbelievable how well we got along. I kept reminding myself, I have a girlfriend. Slowly we had sparks going on between us and we were very close to each other.We got to know each other better and she was very fun to be with. Little have I thought that I would be with her eventually.

01 - The first glance

I heard rumors of a new colleague. A very pretty one too. Even though I was attached with someone, I was excited nevertheless. I actually took the effort to get a haircut over the weekend. On Monday, she was early and there she is sitting at the sofa awaiting someone to attend to her. I took a glance and went straight to my place. I saw a young girl. A very polite one who greeted me with a nod.
After a while I was told to shift my desk and she’s sitted right beside me. In my mind, I thought what she got herself into. The company was shite!! Especially our immediate boss.

A love story

I decided to immortalize these special moments of my life here. Hopefully the ending will be as beautiful as the beginning of the story.

when she loved me

when somebody loved me
everything was beautiful
every hour we spent together
lives within my heart

and when she was sad
i was there to dry her tears
and when she was happy so was i
when she loved me

through the summer and the fall
we had each other that was all
just she and i together like it was ment to be

and when she was lonely
i was there to comfort her
and i knew that she loved me

so the years went
by i stayed the same
but she began to drift away
i was left alone
but still i waited for the day
when she'd say i will always love you

lonely and forgotten
i never thought she'd look my way
when she smiled at me
and held me
just like she used to do
like she loved me
when she loved me

when somebody loved me
everything was beautiful
every hour we spent together
lives within my heart
when she loved me

if only

if only i cud turn back time
to those moments when we were so much in love
when nothing really matters when we were next to each other
when a text msg just brings a smile to my face
when each words uttered from our mouth sounded like a grand symphony
when the sight of u just drowned out the rest
when your sweet little smile just make my day
every words, every smile, every actions

u meant the world to me and i would do anything for you
you were the only thing in the world that i would give up everything for
you were my inspiration, my happiness, my hope, my everything

if only i could turn back time

goofy havin a puff

cigarettes never tasted so good after watching this..haha

stand by me

When the night has come, and the land is dark
And the moon is the only light we will see
No, I won't be afraid, oh, I won't be afraid
Just as long as you stand, stand by me
So darlin', darlin' stand by me
Oh stand by me
Oh stand, stand by me, stand by me

If the sky that we look upon should tumble and fall
Or the mountain should crumble to the sea
I won't cry, I won't cry, no, I won't shed a tear
Just as long as you stand, stand by me
And darlin', darlin' stand by me
Oh stand by me
Whoa stand now, stand by me, stand by me
*Solo*

And darlin', darlin' stand by me
Oh stand by me
Oh stand now, stand by me, stand by me

If the sky that we look upon should tumble and fall
Or the mountain should crumble to the sea
I won't cry, I won't cry, no, I won't shed a tear
Just as long as you stand, stand by me
And darlin', darlin' stand by me
Oh stand by me
Whoa stand now, stand by me, stand by me
So darlin', darlin' stand by me
Oh stand by me
Oh stand now, stand by me, stand by me
Whenever you're in trouble won't you stand by me
Oh stand by me
Whoa stand now, oh stand, stand by me...

all the fine things in life

yet another frustration...put too much hope in something
u end up badly dissapointed
blardy hell, night after night and when i'm most in need
fuck u man!


i will not let people dictate my life anymore, fuck this shit
in my pursue of the finer things in life, nothing matters to me anymore
a hope is still a hope, i stopped hoping!

in the end, it's all down to you. u live the consequences of your own doing
u dictate and decide how u live the next course of your life
no one will make me feel inferior anymore, everything i do, i do it for myself

and that will be me in that dolce suit in the next couple of months

crossroads

my heart let out a heavy sigh!
nvr tot it would be this fast, she'll be away soon
a testing time for us

waiting is such a torturing game

postponed again..that wait is killing me

a inquiry call came in today..at least there's something to rejoice

2nd day third week

gettin a bit restless, not a single inquiry
must work harder

:(

the story teller

another week another step closer
i'm gettin a bit restless actually but must not rush it
i think poverty had strucked me for far too long
anything decent seems so far out of reach
i must not lose it, i must continue....
i do not wanna be a fool no more
hope and courage is my only friends now

it's amazing how certain people make tonnes of money effortlessly
i wish i command such skills or is there a story behind each success?
i hope i'm writing mine now

di sini arus perubahan akan bermula

haha

Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it.
Now quiet!
They're about to announce the lottery numbers.
- Homer Simpson -

ray of light

things are looking good
couple of prospect coming in
part time job over the weekends
matter of time, i'll be back on my feet'

WANTED

DEAD OR ALIVE!!

un-rich

a little lift and i shud be well on my way
last week been one of the most productive week for the last two months
it feels good to be back in the game!!
life with a purpose and to learn a new trade

what is the hardest thing in life?

is to eat....

so close

You`re in my arms
And all the world is calm
The music playing on for only two
So close together
And when I`m with you
So close to feeling alive

A life goes by
Romantic dreams will stop
So I bid mine goodbye and never knew
So close was waiting, waiting here with you
And now forever I know
All that I wanted to hold you
So close

So close to reaching that famous happy end
Almost believing this was not pretend
And now you`re beside me and look how far we`ve come
So far we are so close

How could I face the faceless days
If I should lose you now?
We`re so close
To reaching that famous happy end
And almost believing this was not pretend
Let`s go on dreaming for we know we are
So close
So close
And still so far

why

i had the longest night in my life
every now and then, i looked at the phone
hoping it would ring, my mind was flying everywhere
i couldn't sleep, sit, eat, drink or anything
the heartache is unbearable
if there's anything that i can do to reverse this
oh god please let me know!!
i would do anything

i never thought i could be sooo in love with someone

i misses you so badly!

........

looked at my entries again
i guess it beats the purpose of this blog without her
i think i cried almost the whole night
and i'm FUCKING tearing up in office like a sissy!
never ever i had felt this way before
i did what i could
i learned

it was almost a perfect fairytale story
it started with all the right reasons
it ended with all the wrong ones

my mind is blank and i'm restless

"give me strength to go thru this"
"to love and not to hate, for once we were so much in love"
"let me have the courage to love again"

OBITUARY

PANDA
30.9.08 - 13.8.09

Never borned, Never Died,
visited this earth on a beautiful journey called life

a fiery start

not gonna care anymore
my motivation will only be money
that should have been my motivation from day one
no more artistic fancy stuff
anyway u need money to be an artist
fuck u all and i'm coming to get your money

take my car if you will
nothing will ever stop me

feeder

i wonder if i gave too much
i'm just a facilitator
doesn't matter how i feel and what i want anymore

over the rainbow by judy garland

Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high,
There's a land that I heard of
Once in a lullaby.

Somewhere over the rainbow
Skies are blue,
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true.

Someday I'll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far
Behind me.
Where troubles melt like lemon drops
Away above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me.

Somewhere over the rainbow
Bluebirds fly.
Birds fly over the rainbow.
Why then, oh why can't I?

If happy little bluebirds fly
Beyond the rainbow
Why, oh why can't I?

out the window pain

looking out the window
staring blankly at the blue sky
wondering what had happened?
was it something i done?
did i not worked hard enough?
am i being impossible?
piles of rumbles piling up on me now
reaching out my hand in hope of another catching it
yet another lowest point of my life
need to be strong and pull myself out from the rumbles

sick of being judged and living a life dictated by ppl around you
live up to their expectations and what they're not

I have big ambitions but humbled by ppl around me
i wish i could act to my own will but have too many ppl to answer to

i wish i have the supports that i long for......

the end - i hope not

i still very much feel the same
i really hoped that it had not been this way
guess i do not have the power to stop this
i fell too deep and it would need some time for me to be okay
some times somethings are just out of your hand
i hope you'll find happiness
in the end, that's all that matters

Panda RIP!

worthless

this 5 years been nothing
job after job, one right after another
worked like a dog but no returns at all
i guess i gave my all for each jobs
wat went WRONG?

fucked up

f : i will not give them 10 rooms (them=free sponsored makeup artists)

p : why not? thee are 20 of them and please bear in mind, they are our sponsor

f : if they're taking ten rooms then it's no longer sponsor *kanibu chao ci bai lei ah ma chao hai

p : what do you mean? how much if your room worth? they are sending 20 ppl to help us out and all we have to do is to provide them accommodation and food. What do you want now?

f : i'm giving them two rooms only

p : fine! you go talk to them!

some ppl do not understand the very meaning of sponsorship. I'll never bring in my own contact no more...fuck this fuck that and fuck em all

kalau babi memang babi
ko kena layan mcam babi
takan ko gi bagi purina ke, pedigree ke?
kalu dah memang sah benda tu mcam ni, tak usah nak gi nafi plak
cis, gua memang dah nyampah nengok muka dia orang
sampai gua dah start cakap melayu
CIS! puki anjing!

4 out of 6 divided by 1,000,000

nothing seems to be working right now
issues after issues piling up on my plate
how much more can i take?
i'm cornered and trapped
by the way...kena 4 numbers and got me self RM40 courtesy of SportsToTo
woo Hooo!

a little joy from the bottomless pit of shit!
gonna light up a ciggie in rejoice

sugar and spice and everything nice

this may sound corny but for the past few weeks
staying with her, makes me more in love with her
it's been almost one year but i still misses her when i'm not with her

party more and work lesser

in contradiction to the subject heading
i find myself workin doubly hard and play even less; haiih...diu mo
i guess i've been livin quite a comfortable life before this and taking things for granted
i hate the fact that i'm exchanging my time with money
work recognition is not done in a manner where your talents are put above of anything

you want a cow or a farmer?

tuesday 26-05-09, 0943hrs

PR : Selamat Pagi!

P : Selamat pagi

PR : I call dari proton, ni kereta savvy wpc 9967

p: ye ye...i send semalam tuk repair

PR : encik, i kena mintak copy geran u la, sebab you punya modulator sudah rosak..

p: ah ha..apasel kena mintak geran pulak?

PR : sebab kalu nak repair..ni boleh cecah 10ribu nii *why am i not surprised! ....i nak tolong you so u pass geran kat I pastu i cuba claim kat proton

p: ok ok

PR: ok eh! u pass kat I as soon as possible sebab nak claim nii pun kena tunggu satu bulan nii *kanibu cibai!!!

p: what? satu bulan?

PR: yelar ..ni normal procedure

p: ok ok..i pass u the details today atau pagi besok.....

PR: ok thank you bye

p: bye bye! ci bye!

.....................................................................................................................................................


moral of the story is...DO NOT BUY NATIONAL CAR!

come wat may

is there a point in pursuing this?
a one sided, non reflective surface
city of glass i presume
shinny outside, hollow inside

......

what's lost hopes to be found
what's have not been longs to be
if you put in lil...things might been better

........................

mileage

sr - kg = 30
sr - bmc =16

sr-kg = this week = 3
sr - bmc = for the past two months = 0

bmc - ts - sr - bmc
okr - sr - mv - sr - bmc
bmc - sr - bmc

sometimes i wonder...

busy-ness

never been busy for the past one year...
well well...no pain no gain

phase #1

70% there!

soon soon!!

total cardio workout

had a great morning
feeling fresh and alive
had a 10 minutes workout this morning

my car broke down and i pushed the car for like 50 metres to avoid traffic congestion
what a day

kanasai! %^%$#*^&

my hero, my dad

you gave me love when i needed you the most
you were my shoulder to cry on when i was sad
you were my mentor, my friend, my pillar of strength

you brought food to our table everyday even through our darkest hours
many misunderstood your intentions
i know you were just trying to fulfill your responsibilities as a father, a husband and the head of the family

its been 13 years since you left us
i miss the warmth of your hand
the smell of your brylcream-ed hair in the morning
the smile on your face
the way you hug me and kisses me

i'm all grown up now, i wish you'll be around to see me and guide me to be a better man
to share my feelings with you
to bring you and mum out for nice dinner
to see you and mum walk hand in hand, enjoying your senior years

I'm sorry for not being a filial son
till the day we meet again...

I LOVE YOU PA!

reset

is there a reset button that i can push?

away

i'm considering to leave home and start a new in a foreign land

messed up

messy messy messy
wish you were here dude! at least you can listen to my whining
hang out at mydin and bitch about life
you were such a good listener, especially to my bullshits

tut tut tut tut..tuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut

certified!

my car is certified to be in critical stage...cure oso waste money! now the bigger problem, how am i supposed to get to work?

one right after another! what a month! I'm giving up!

u turn

r: hey P! how are you?

p: I'm good i'm good

r: got bad news!

p: what?

r: some delays in the production...*paused for a while....which means, i can't hire you now!

p: WHAT? *what the fuck?? but everything was ok the week before...what happened?

r: AXN people decided to postponed the production till next year...really sorry!

p: ..................* speechles

r: really sorry..i can't afford to hire you for now

p: it's ok...thanks anyway

r: catch up woth you later

p: bye

that pretty much wrap up my day on a down note! put too much hope in something and this is how you'll end up with....

I over U

I want
I love
I need
I hate
I like
I don't feel like

How many I's comes before you,us and we?

cuti cuti malaysia

melaka, cameron or genting?

WHAT?

P: I checked ledi. 28th not available.

F: No way, u told me confirmed!

P: I told you 28th show location confirmed not dinner.

F: No way. you told me both oso confirmed. In fact u told me yesterday

P: I did not! i don' t even remember talking to you on this matter. Yesterday i told you i'm gonna arrange for the meeting and that's it. *tiu nia sing!

F: you did! you did!

P: I wouldn't have confirmed the date if I did not get the final confirmation from em ain't it?
*kanibu cibai!!

F: toooooootttttt! * hangs up!

smile ah wai!! SMILE!!!

new hope

i have come to my final conclusion
i have made the final decision
i will not sway away from this anymore
this will be the best way to settle this
i shall have no regrets over this

my mind is made up and i'm not holding back anymore
at least i'll be happier

hold on

i knew these two months will be hard
but i didn't know it will be this freaking hard
everything doesn't go according to plan

but nothing compares to her
it breaks my heart how a cheerful little angel could be like this
i felt hapless and scared
somehow i felt she's drifting away from me
i wish i could help her but now...
looking at my own situation...i can't even help myself
i hope she'll be strong and no matter what i'll be around for her
and support her in any ways

i still remember those days, how easily i could just bring a smile to her face
but now, the sparks is missing
i wish i could still command her attention
no matter what i still love her with my heart and soul
i'll give her the best that i can afford
and vow to stay beside her to shield her from any storms

i'll never give up

lunching in office

i think this is the first time ever i lunched in office
so much to do and so little time
how tempted to just walk off and leave them in ruined
deep i'm inside i'm freaking pissed and working in agony
told myself..i'll need to hold on.
unless.....when they reaches my boiling point
that will be IT! i'll just walked out

a weekend of hell

i think hell is an understatement here
lack of proper planning and can't have full control over it
sometimes bosses will never understand
the hardship of their subordinates
anyway..can't give up now!
must earn more money
and shall see how things develop from here...

for a better future and with you in it

* and you know who you are darling!

week in review

this been one hell of a week
quite an emotional one too
after reading Ms. YY posting on FB
my heart was touched by her story
shit happened but it's how we pick ourselves up that determined who we are
luckily this time my depression mode was shorter than expected
i guess i just need to be more determined and show more guts in it

let's hope next week will be a better one!!
and i misses my BeBe very much
haven't seen her in two days

small girl gone big

small girl finally grown up
was really surprised by her decision
at the same time, i'm very happy for her
hopefully she'll find what she wants and what she long for there

the hollow man

during those days, i'm always surrounded by loads of ppl
ppl who are supportive, ppl who respected me
ppl who are sincere to me
those days, everything was warm and nice

now, i have me, myself and I
somehow i do not feel the warmth anymore
i'm alone in a battle of me against the world
despite my smile, i felt empty inside
i do not have any facial expression anymore
i no longer command the charm that was irresistible to others

sitting here staring blankly at the screen with loads of works piling up on my desk
i do not know where to find salvation
things that were supposed to cheer me up no longer cheer me up
instead it messes me up even more
i think i'm going into depression again
and god! i hate that


i tot i can count on that one person but guess i was wrong

prayers

please take me away from all my sorrows
to a place where happiness rules
and there shall be no more tears from then on

an empty vessel

a ghost from the past decided to come back for me
what you seek is never what you get
in the view of current proceedings, everything seems gloomy
a path of illumination that was once there seems to have vanished into thin air
i hope i'm not being too dramatic here but it seems i have hit a roadblock
i've always been a dedicated employee with good working attitude
i do not understand what is lacking of me to gain respect
one thing right after another
i have been a highly motivated person and to see myself in this state of mind
to tell you the truth, i'm freaking tired of life
if i have an option, i wish i have been borned into a wealthy family if not a very poor one
it draws a firm line of expectations and wants
being in the middle working class is a curse!!!
i'm worried one day i might just give up on life

why live when everyday is a bleedy struggle?
why live when what you've done today doesn't matter tomorrow?
why live when your life is just an empty vessel?

setback

my surge for a better career has taken a setback today
got a round of bollocking from boss today
and i'm freaking pissed
what seems to be mis-management from the top has been pointed to us instead
first of all, we being one of the lower hierarchy was never
given a proper briefing of our dept. mission statement
job descriptions and responsibilities was never relayed properly
despite all these lack of systematic management shown by the top
we're the scapegoat of the company's incompetencies
we being the highly motivated workforce have never failed to deliver what was expected
I'm pissed at the fact that my management skills have been put on the line
never have i been questioned on my abilities to deliver
seriously thinking of switching jobs
i shall give it a proper tot before taking any drastic actions
I'm seriously deeply and greatly depressed by all these nonsense

wa kena nombor

walao....out from 6 numbers i kena 4!
and how much did i won?
RM28!!!

i'm one step closer to become a millionaire

body kesakitan

dunno wat happened but my body freaking sakit today
must not fall sick


i'm going woot woot
two raves, fri and sat
been some time since i last rave
luckily got two passes courtesy of nikki! thanks nikki!

heartache

never hear her sobbing that hard before
my heart is shattered into pieces
why do we need to live up to others expectations?
why sometimes people can be so demanding and mean?
everyone have their own path and destiny
and you respect them for that

if you can't see beyond urself then you do not dictate the life of others
you do not have the right to do so

love is about accepting someone for they ARE
not converting them into your own liking


imagine a world where everyone is standardized...it ain't that fun anymore ain't it?

life's a box of chocolate

watched forrest gump with her last night
oh boy..how much i liked the movie
it reminds me again of how life can be beautiful
if we're living it right

live can be as simple as you want
how complicated can things be?
it's the wild dreams that we pursue in a wild goose chase
that makes our life miserable

Ours..and now mine

kept pestering her to check out my blog
wanted her to read the entry on 5/4/09
somehow it doesn't make any sense now
*felt like a chick man...trying to gain her attention.wakakaka
not gonna do that anymore!!

well well...guess it will be better if she doesn't have access to this
this will serve as my personal diary
a personal journal of my life
a journal just for my own eyes

lovely day...lovely day...lovely day

When I wake up in the morning
love
and the sun light hurts my eyes

And something without worning
love
bears heavy on my mind.
Then I look at you and the world's alright with me

Just one look at you and I know it's gonna be -

A lovely day - lovely day
lovely day
lovely day
lovely day

ermm..yes no maybe

mood swings are getting worse everyday
it's like i'm ovulating every hour
challenging times ahead and i can't bear with anymore criticism
i need solutions and encouragements
i've made up my mind

seeking my inner peace of mind

i'm officially missing her

It's been days since i last saw her
and i will be away for the next two days
and MY GOD...i misses her so much!
so much to tell her !!

this call for a proper celebration of wine and dinner
on fri and sat!

alright! it's decided then! we shall have proper dinner on fri or sat
it's been a while since we last do that

equations of life

money+career+car+house+superhot gf=good life

my life at this moment

money : X
career : X
car : on the way*but still 2nd hand
house : X
super hot gf : oh yes!

guess i still have a long way to go...but i'll never GIVE UP!

down and out in kuala lumpur

i'm fucking pissed with my car
i'll never ever buy a national car anymore!!!!
nuff said!

you how it feels like to drive around in a piece of crap?
to have the car giving up on you when it matters the most!
damn kaw kanasai man!
i'm so gettin a new car!!!

OMFG!! I'M FUCKING PISSED!!!

amazing

Had a great day at work and everything seems to be moving along quite well till...

P: Hello, are you feeling better?

B: What's wrong with you? I'm trying to sleep and send what sms?? %#^^%&^*@

P: Ok Bye..

It's amazing how a short and brief tele-conversation just freaking ruined your day
and why does she has such power over me
sometimes i wonder have i ever did that to anyone
I apologized sincerely from the bottom of my heart
i never meant to do that and i know how it felt now....

taboo my boo

guess i uttered something really stupid last night
spurring her into tears
sorry, i didn't mean that...
i never ever meant that in anyway...
too much on my mind and i wasn't thinking straight
i'll nvr do that again...

get well soon my love!!

Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today

For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way. Something to be got through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life.

Be happy while you're living, for you're a long time dead

obituary

a call from her and i went stunned
speechless for a good few seconds
it took me quite a while to regain my composure
deep inside i just went SHIT! wat happened?
i think she handled it quite well

i guess it didn't really strucked her till the moment she eases down
i was away and i couldn't comfort her
i shud have stayed a lil while
what a shit head!
breaks my heart to hear her sobbing


"What we have once enjoyed we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us"

"What the heart has once known, it shall never forget"

Rest in peace my friend, i may not have met you but i felt the grief.
I shall pray for you and your family everyday
till the day we meet again

sam! i scared....

...she claimed i looked like him

i always tot i looked like them

i guess i'll always looked like this to her

border collie and a lamb

she nvr failed to amazed me
all along, she knew it
and like a torch it leads the way

a hard fought battle

gone are the days where gloominess roams me
last night was a night of illumination
new path are forged and a vow to keep
new breathe of life enters me

i'm coming back faster, better, stronger

UP UP AND AWAY

sky high!

My birthday and we drove up to genting...without any reservations and kept assuring
her...can get one!! now not peak season mar!!

like a seasoned pro...went up to the highland hotel reception....

sorry sir...all of our rooms are fully booked...IS THE SCHOOL HOLIDAY SEASON!!

fuck! ...kena taruk kaw kaw from her!! diu mo? lose face man..

after a phone call to bukit tinggi, we decided to head over there instead....

my sexy mama!! woot woot


on the way down from genting...saw awana and tot..maybe we shud give it a try!

and guess wat? they have a room for us! woo hoooo

got us a room on the tower hotel and the view!! BREATH TAKING!!!

my constipated look!

breakfast...a great start to the day


japanese garden

after a night in awana..we came back to town and my god!! the noise, the pollutions
arrggghhh!

such a relaxing trip..away from everything

for dinner we headed down to Plaza Da Mas for some Ma Lat For Wo!!

we don't even have time to talk to each other....

a short one but a rewarding one...came back feeling fresh and all pumped up!

never ever

never have i thought to behold such beauty

and a mate who i can share my everything

I vow to make her the happiest thing on earth

Sunshine, Sea Breeze and Good food

Our first ever trip together


It came quite unexpectedly, she was needed in up North for a training program and she'll be traveling alone there...Being a caring and sensitive BF..i decided to apply for leave and accompany her there...by accompanying means driving her up there!


Check out the amount of bags...luckily i'm around to help her with it

like very cute like that...


I like this pic alot..i think i looked good in it..haha

Upon reaching, we checked in to this hotel in Autocity and immediately after that we took off
in search of some CKT action and stumbled upon one at Jalan Burma. CKT, Popiah,
Chicken wing and HO jien!! yum yum..and of coz two icy cold ones!!

Yum!!

After a hearty meal at Jalan Burma, we drove around penang island in search for more foods
Oh yeah..both of us are food lovers!! and we can really eat too!!

got ourselves to gurney drive and ordered tao fu fa...and OMFG!!! it was awesome!
i almost screamed and ran around gurney drive waving my hands in the air!!
never expected it to be that gooooood!! tao fu fa is not even in the penangites food to find list

and she had the last spoonful!! ...haih

after that went for a walk along gurney drive...sea breeze!

chendol!! yum-yum

seafood lunch at gurney drive!! the food was fantastic...especially the steamed fish!

aww......



lovely aight


wat meant to be a business trip turn out to be one of my most memorable trip to penang.
it just felt great to hang out with her. it's amazing how we compliment each other
.