new blog

my personal blog http://kemejat.blogspot.com/

the final entry

this blog has served its last post. It's been a very beautiful journey. I'll shall be blogging on my personal blog soon. Will update really soon.

closure

i got my answers......

30 - THE END

HAPPILY EVER AFTER? HAPPILY NEVER AFTER?

i do not know............

29 - My feelings

My affections do not matter anymore. I think she had enough of me. I become a sore sight. Everything that I do, do not command the same response and attention anymore. It’s like sticking a knife to your heart and pouring salt at the wound at the same time. I have done what I could.
I still loved her the way I used to. I still long for the warmth of her body when I wrapped my arms around her. To look at her while she’s asleep and kissing her on her forehead. To look her in the eyes and say I LOVE YOU BE!...I would do anything for her. But she’s slowly drifting away from me.
No matter what, I will love her and care for her. All that I want…is for her to be happy always. I do not know what’s going to happen in the future but I just want her to smile again. A smile that comes from the heart. Just like the one I saw when I held her hands for the first time.

Being together is just not about the happy times. It's the hardship you go thru together and how much you cherished each other. How you share each other problems....and take on the storm together!! When you loses that prespective. that's it...it's done! Maybe it's time to move on...

I may not be the one to complete her again………..

28 - Up North

She got a job in Penang. Will be moving up there soon, I wished she would have gotten a job in KL instead but who am I to say no? It’s a high paying job. She’s excited and raring to go. It’s good to see her all passionate once again. TO be happy again.

27 - Maybe not

Somehow things have changed. I think we have met at the wrong time. I was going thru the worse moment of my life. Disappointment and frustration got better of her. She lost it with me. We vowed to make life better again but damage has been done. She doesn’t felt the same anymore and who can blame her? With a man who can’t even stand on his two feet. She has every right to do so. I can’t expect you to go thru shite with me. I’m sorry baby! Sorry I can’t live up to your expectations.

26 - Hi! My name is Ong, would you like to buy a property from me?

Found myself a job at a Real Estate Company recently. My passion came back and I’m feeling like a champion again. This time, I really need to make it work. There are debts to be cleared and tones of problems that need un-doing. I’m gonna make my mark in this field. I’m determined and more determined to give her a better life.

25 - The break

We were both jobless. I went back into my depression mode. I was lost all over again! I was stupid again! I lost everything! She lost confidence in me. I think I gave up on myself too. I was having suicidal thoughts constantly. I once held a knife to my wrist as I broke down and cried. I didn’t have the courage to do it. I wailed and cried like a little girl.

i cried so loud..i think the neighbour heard me

24 - False hope

I joined Dr nano in March 09. Finally! A job!! It started very well with me being the most marketing savvy person in the company. I enjoyed working there. I felt alive again. To exercise my brain and squeezing my creative juices. All of a sudden, things started to change. The lady boss have no idea what she’s doing. She wouldn’t listen and I’m doing things that are way out of my jurisdiction. Working needlessly for 18 hours. Wasting time on stupid things and it actually made me stupid too. I decided to quit again. The biggest mistake I made this year.

23 - Good morning, Sausage Mc’Muffin set please

She found a job with Bluunis. I’m still jobless at that time so I sent her to work every day. Stopping by Mc’D to get ourselves some breakfast at times. Life was tough but these little things bring a smile to my face every now and then.
I continued to be jobless. I felt useless and depressed all the time.

22 - it went downhill

Leaving mobile wallet left a scar on me. I lost my confidence and charisma. I was a lost fool. I do not know what to do. I couldn’t secure a job and I’m getting poorer by day. It was then; she started to have doubts in me. I can’t blame her as I was a total mess. A TOTAL MESS! She began to shy away from me. It was worse during Chinese New Year.
She wanted a man who can provide and protect her. Things wouldn’t have happened if I could secure a job and have a consistent income.
I realized I got lazy and too comfortable. My confidence and intellectual level is deteriorating really fast. I was like ass. By then, the market was bad and I was having trouble securing a job.

21 - Auld Lang Syne

Be decided to throw a party at her place for new year eve. I was abit nervous as her relatives will be there. I volunteered to cook up some food to impress her family. Keke. Went there early and helped set up the barbeque pit and stuff. I was nervous and jumpy the whole night. Luckily her whole family members are very friendly and warm. Her friends came and had a good time except for the asshole that came and picked up a fight with us. After everyone left, we cleaned up the place and barbequed the remaining food. Little Joe Joe and Fai Fai came and join us for the after party too and they ate a lot of ham too! Ahhaha.
My New Year resolution was to find a good job and earn more money to provide for her. To lead a better life with her. She was in my every plan.

20 - a very merry christmas

We went to joey’s place for Christmas and had a great time there. We exchanged gifts and got myself an ash tray and she had a towel in exchange for her deck of cards. The next day we went to Jeremy’s place. Good food and great company. Had a lot of fun there too. The first time my Be formally introduced to Joanna, Phei and gang.

19 - 1201

I arranged for dinner at Café Café. Ordered the wrong dish for her and she liked my duck confit better. Ordered a caraf of red wine too. On her actual day, we went up to Genting for a road trip. Couldn’t get a room there and we called up bukit tinggi to check if they have any vacant room there. Fortunately, they still have rooms there. However on the way there, we passed by Awana and decided to try our luck there. We got ourselves a room at the tower hotel. We checked in and the view at the balcony was breath taking. After we settled down, we took a stroll around Awana and took pictures. Later that night, we cooked spaghetti and luncheon meat in the hotel. Yes, in the hotel…hahaha!
I got her nothing for present. I quitted my job and was really tight on cash. I promised to make it up to her when I have a job and more money. I felt sorry and bad for not being able to plan a better celebration for her. Not even 10% of her effort spent on my birthday. I’m sorry Be!
After we got down from Genting the next day. We went to Plaza Da Mas and had steamboat for dinner. It was awesome!!

18 - my birthday

She took me to Dubrovnik at Solaris for dinner. She had everything planned out and arranged a red wine dinner course. I try to look composed but deep inside, I was touched by her effort and every dinner course was scrumptious and well matched. On top of that, she bought me a green tea cake. Normally I wouldn’t touch a green tea flavoured cake but that night, every spoonful brings comfort to me. Every mouthful tasted so sweet. She bought me a jacket from TOPSHOP and a self made photo frame with pictures from our penang trip. One of my most memorable birthday celebration. Her being there was the best ever gift a person can wish for.

17 - the little note

After a tiring day at work, I picked her up from the seminar. Secretly I bought some beers and left it in the fridge with a little note. When we reached the hotel, we saw a little donut shop right next to the hotel. She wanted to buy some but she was too tired and just wanted to go back to the room. As we entered the lift, I told her I left something in the car and asked her to go back to the room first. I make my way to the donut shop and bought two glacier donut with sugar icing on top. I knocked on the door and hid the donut behind me. She opened the door and I walked right in and passed the donut to her. She was so surprised and happy. After that I told her to get some drinks from the fridge. She opened it and saw the little note and the beers. She just went sitted on the floor. She was tearing up. I went over and hugged her. We hugged for quite some time. I felt happiness…I vowed to love her and take care of her till my last breathe.

16 - Sunshine, good food and sea breeze

This time, she got assigned to Penang for a seminar. She asked me if I could accompany her. I said yes and we went on our first trip as a couple. We reached there in the late evening. After searching high and low we finally found our way to autocity and waited for her penang’s business associate and she brought us to the hotel. We ditched the business associate and went Jalan Burma for dinner. We had char kuey teow, popiah, chicken wings and a bottle of beer. After that we for a walk at Gurney drive and found ourselves the greatest tao fu fa on earth.

15 - LCCT

I actually took a day off to pick her up from LCCT. I waited for good whole 40 minutes and there she was. My bebe walking out in her black top and black skinny. I did not know how to react. She wheeled the cart towards me and I went up to her. We hugged!! Oh boy we hugged! I missed her so soo sooo much! It feels so good to hold her in my arms again. To smell her perfume and to kiss her soft cheeks.

14 - an email a day while she's away

She got assigned to Vietnam for a business trip. I sent her to KLIA. That morning, seeing her walking towards the gate, I felt sad and lonely. I’m so in love with her. Never have I been this in love before. We vowed to write each other an email a day while she’s away. I still have it in my laptop. Reading It again reminds me why I loved her that much. Her being away was the hardest thing at that time. I missed so much! Like really CAN DIE!!

13 - The kiss

We met up with Joey at Werner’s and had red wine. After that we went for supper in Ngau Kee, It was raining as we left. We reached her place and I escorted her to her door with an umbrella. As I was leaving. She pulled me back and gave me a kiss. I was on cloud nine. Her very first kiss. I still remembers it vividly. I think I flew up a few inches off the ground! It was heaven.

12 - Sweaty palms

After dinner, we went to the washroom then we decided to walk about the mall. Should I hold her hands? Should I not? I was nervous, my palms were all sweaty. I decided, fuck it! I’m holding her hands after this. I slowly led her to the escalator and casually slipped my hands towards hers. She responded in quite a surprised manner. I held on and I told myself, I’m not letting go of it like forever. Haha. What a silly thought! We walked around the mall for a while and it was the sweetest moment I had in years.

11 - 0930

We decided to officially date on 30th September 20008 as a couple. I picked her up and went to Star Hill Jake’s for a dinner at the suggestion of my best bud. She was wearing a white top with blue jeans. The gold hair band on her hair somehow enhanced her features. There she was my little angel, MY GIRLFRIEND, MY LOVE, MY EVERYTHING.
I have to add, somehow the little car handbag doesn’t matched. A lil Childish! Haha. She would kill me there and then if she finds out.
She was perfect. She’s my girl

10 - little panda

A little panda shaped soft toy did the trick of winning her heart. There was a fair in mid valley and she wanted the little toy. By then we were more than friends but we were not together. It was really hard getting one of those. She was determined to get one at my expense. After a few rounds of PR work with the organizer. I got myself one of it. I hid in my car and told her I failed to get one. On the very same night, we went out for a movie. I presented little panda to her. She was ecstatic but she said she actually knew that I have it. I do not really care as her reaction was etched in my memory forever. Her innocent little smile melted my heart.

09 - Slowly but surely

Little by little, I edged in closer to her heart. She was still recovering from her last relationship. I’m more determined to prove to her that I’m better man. Gradually she begun to loosened up and let her heart roam freely.

08 - I actually went after a girl

In all of my previous relationship, I’ve never gone after a girl. With her, I felt the urge to make her mine. To shower her with tender, love and care. She was very reluctant. Given this scenario back then, I would give up but with her. I’m determined.

07 - There she was

She started her new job and we were constantly in touch with text messages. I remember the day I went to PWTC to look for her. I bought her Aunty Anne’s. She was so excited to see me. She looked fantastic in the trench coat uniform. Seeing her, all my troubles seem so far away. She brought calm to my troubled mind. I think I just fell in love again.

06 - She cheated on me!!

After a while I found my other half was cheating on me. I was heartbroken. Somehow I knew it was coming but the pain still unbearable. An end to a 7 years love affair. I was devastated. Hate myself for being such a fool. Twice a fool as it happened twice.

05 - Empty space

After she left. Somehow the office seems gloomy. Looking at her empty desk, I felt lonely. I missed her. Am I in love?

04 - The last day

We went for a karaoke outing. She was sitted next to me the entire night. We took pictures and sang song together. I didn’t want the night to end as I knew I won’t be seeing her that often after that.

03 - My colleague no more

One fine morning, she told me she wanted to leave. I was pretty let down by her decision. Somehow I felt sad, Was it love? Why am I feeling sad?

02 - Getting to know her

After a while, I found her to be quite a looker with her flawless skin. She was very friendly too. There’s something about this girl that makes you feel so relaxed and comfortable. She added me on facebook and msn, we started having little chat conversation in the office. Bemoaning the lack of fun in the office, she would always turn to me for a little laughter and music. We shared earphones and exchanges little notes. The see saw and the little swing note was the most memorable one. I secretly have a crush on her. It’s unbelievable how well we got along. I kept reminding myself, I have a girlfriend. Slowly we had sparks going on between us and we were very close to each other.We got to know each other better and she was very fun to be with. Little have I thought that I would be with her eventually.

01 - The first glance

I heard rumors of a new colleague. A very pretty one too. Even though I was attached with someone, I was excited nevertheless. I actually took the effort to get a haircut over the weekend. On Monday, she was early and there she is sitting at the sofa awaiting someone to attend to her. I took a glance and went straight to my place. I saw a young girl. A very polite one who greeted me with a nod.
After a while I was told to shift my desk and she’s sitted right beside me. In my mind, I thought what she got herself into. The company was shite!! Especially our immediate boss.

A love story

I decided to immortalize these special moments of my life here. Hopefully the ending will be as beautiful as the beginning of the story.

when she loved me

when somebody loved me
everything was beautiful
every hour we spent together
lives within my heart

and when she was sad
i was there to dry her tears
and when she was happy so was i
when she loved me

through the summer and the fall
we had each other that was all
just she and i together like it was ment to be

and when she was lonely
i was there to comfort her
and i knew that she loved me

so the years went
by i stayed the same
but she began to drift away
i was left alone
but still i waited for the day
when she'd say i will always love you

lonely and forgotten
i never thought she'd look my way
when she smiled at me
and held me
just like she used to do
like she loved me
when she loved me

when somebody loved me
everything was beautiful
every hour we spent together
lives within my heart
when she loved me

if only

if only i cud turn back time
to those moments when we were so much in love
when nothing really matters when we were next to each other
when a text msg just brings a smile to my face
when each words uttered from our mouth sounded like a grand symphony
when the sight of u just drowned out the rest
when your sweet little smile just make my day
every words, every smile, every actions

u meant the world to me and i would do anything for you
you were the only thing in the world that i would give up everything for
you were my inspiration, my happiness, my hope, my everything

if only i could turn back time

goofy havin a puff

cigarettes never tasted so good after watching this..haha

stand by me

When the night has come, and the land is dark
And the moon is the only light we will see
No, I won't be afraid, oh, I won't be afraid
Just as long as you stand, stand by me
So darlin', darlin' stand by me
Oh stand by me
Oh stand, stand by me, stand by me

If the sky that we look upon should tumble and fall
Or the mountain should crumble to the sea
I won't cry, I won't cry, no, I won't shed a tear
Just as long as you stand, stand by me
And darlin', darlin' stand by me
Oh stand by me
Whoa stand now, stand by me, stand by me
*Solo*

And darlin', darlin' stand by me
Oh stand by me
Oh stand now, stand by me, stand by me

If the sky that we look upon should tumble and fall
Or the mountain should crumble to the sea
I won't cry, I won't cry, no, I won't shed a tear
Just as long as you stand, stand by me
And darlin', darlin' stand by me
Oh stand by me
Whoa stand now, stand by me, stand by me
So darlin', darlin' stand by me
Oh stand by me
Oh stand now, stand by me, stand by me
Whenever you're in trouble won't you stand by me
Oh stand by me
Whoa stand now, oh stand, stand by me...

all the fine things in life

yet another frustration...put too much hope in something
u end up badly dissapointed
blardy hell, night after night and when i'm most in need
fuck u man!


i will not let people dictate my life anymore, fuck this shit
in my pursue of the finer things in life, nothing matters to me anymore
a hope is still a hope, i stopped hoping!

in the end, it's all down to you. u live the consequences of your own doing
u dictate and decide how u live the next course of your life
no one will make me feel inferior anymore, everything i do, i do it for myself

and that will be me in that dolce suit in the next couple of months

crossroads

my heart let out a heavy sigh!
nvr tot it would be this fast, she'll be away soon
a testing time for us

waiting is such a torturing game

postponed again..that wait is killing me

a inquiry call came in today..at least there's something to rejoice

2nd day third week

gettin a bit restless, not a single inquiry
must work harder

:(

the story teller

another week another step closer
i'm gettin a bit restless actually but must not rush it
i think poverty had strucked me for far too long
anything decent seems so far out of reach
i must not lose it, i must continue....
i do not wanna be a fool no more
hope and courage is my only friends now

it's amazing how certain people make tonnes of money effortlessly
i wish i command such skills or is there a story behind each success?
i hope i'm writing mine now

di sini arus perubahan akan bermula

haha

Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it.
Now quiet!
They're about to announce the lottery numbers.
- Homer Simpson -

ray of light

things are looking good
couple of prospect coming in
part time job over the weekends
matter of time, i'll be back on my feet'

WANTED

DEAD OR ALIVE!!

un-rich

a little lift and i shud be well on my way
last week been one of the most productive week for the last two months
it feels good to be back in the game!!
life with a purpose and to learn a new trade

what is the hardest thing in life?

is to eat....

so close

You`re in my arms
And all the world is calm
The music playing on for only two
So close together
And when I`m with you
So close to feeling alive

A life goes by
Romantic dreams will stop
So I bid mine goodbye and never knew
So close was waiting, waiting here with you
And now forever I know
All that I wanted to hold you
So close

So close to reaching that famous happy end
Almost believing this was not pretend
And now you`re beside me and look how far we`ve come
So far we are so close

How could I face the faceless days
If I should lose you now?
We`re so close
To reaching that famous happy end
And almost believing this was not pretend
Let`s go on dreaming for we know we are
So close
So close
And still so far

why

i had the longest night in my life
every now and then, i looked at the phone
hoping it would ring, my mind was flying everywhere
i couldn't sleep, sit, eat, drink or anything
the heartache is unbearable
if there's anything that i can do to reverse this
oh god please let me know!!
i would do anything

i never thought i could be sooo in love with someone

i misses you so badly!

........

looked at my entries again
i guess it beats the purpose of this blog without her
i think i cried almost the whole night
and i'm FUCKING tearing up in office like a sissy!
never ever i had felt this way before
i did what i could
i learned

it was almost a perfect fairytale story
it started with all the right reasons
it ended with all the wrong ones

my mind is blank and i'm restless

"give me strength to go thru this"
"to love and not to hate, for once we were so much in love"
"let me have the courage to love again"

OBITUARY

PANDA
30.9.08 - 13.8.09

Never borned, Never Died,
visited this earth on a beautiful journey called life