a fiery start

not gonna care anymore
my motivation will only be money
that should have been my motivation from day one
no more artistic fancy stuff
anyway u need money to be an artist
fuck u all and i'm coming to get your money

take my car if you will
nothing will ever stop me

feeder

i wonder if i gave too much
i'm just a facilitator
doesn't matter how i feel and what i want anymore

over the rainbow by judy garland

Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high,
There's a land that I heard of
Once in a lullaby.

Somewhere over the rainbow
Skies are blue,
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true.

Someday I'll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far
Behind me.
Where troubles melt like lemon drops
Away above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me.

Somewhere over the rainbow
Bluebirds fly.
Birds fly over the rainbow.
Why then, oh why can't I?

If happy little bluebirds fly
Beyond the rainbow
Why, oh why can't I?

out the window pain

looking out the window
staring blankly at the blue sky
wondering what had happened?
was it something i done?
did i not worked hard enough?
am i being impossible?
piles of rumbles piling up on me now
reaching out my hand in hope of another catching it
yet another lowest point of my life
need to be strong and pull myself out from the rumbles

sick of being judged and living a life dictated by ppl around you
live up to their expectations and what they're not

I have big ambitions but humbled by ppl around me
i wish i could act to my own will but have too many ppl to answer to

i wish i have the supports that i long for......

the end - i hope not

i still very much feel the same
i really hoped that it had not been this way
guess i do not have the power to stop this
i fell too deep and it would need some time for me to be okay
some times somethings are just out of your hand
i hope you'll find happiness
in the end, that's all that matters

Panda RIP!